tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post5805751211682413291..comments2023-12-03T21:00:07.148-06:00Comments on Beachanny By The Sea: THE DARK SIDEBeachannyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08638256396472533685noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-47828031738020911082014-08-17T13:34:57.539-05:002014-08-17T13:34:57.539-05:00I love the last line. And isn't this the truth...I love the last line. And isn't this the truth: "nothing mended yet life creeps on"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-5288549261279147372014-08-16T12:12:02.957-05:002014-08-16T12:12:02.957-05:00Such a powerful poem...and I like the "bang b...Such a powerful poem...and I like the "bang bang" style that you incorporate. It creates more intensity which I think emphasizes your dark and apocalyptic theme. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-59726280989181145072014-08-15T23:00:34.567-05:002014-08-15T23:00:34.567-05:00Nice flowing movement, like dark murky waves rolli...Nice flowing movement, like dark murky waves rolling in smoothly to the shore.rallentandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06980559347805844568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-7915291405026903342014-08-15T17:35:04.894-05:002014-08-15T17:35:04.894-05:00I love this in it's entirety. Each stanza'...I love this in it's entirety. Each stanza's near-repetitive opening. The allusion to Cupid and his quiver. The image of the crater. And, like you mentioned, the back-to-back crashing of stresses. It strengthens the brutality of the theme (or the theme that I derived). So very, very powerful.Benjamin Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03591119579776940792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-64799438507632505932014-08-15T04:27:29.064-05:002014-08-15T04:27:29.064-05:00I read it aloud first time round, and found my nat...I read it aloud first time round, and found my natural stresses slightly different from yours, but not enough to matter. I find your use of spondees effective and powerful, and the enjambment works well..vivinfrancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07388722600118753457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-71609761913260635762014-08-14T22:05:56.025-05:002014-08-14T22:05:56.025-05:00i like the irregularities which keep this "da...i like the irregularities which keep this "dark side" poem from sing song. And the hard sounds help provide both darkness and drums because they are actually regular enough, I thing the sea is the most positive as it only crushes the shells,while the crushed lives lead inexorably to the entire material junkyard we have allowed to grow. Well, actually,the more I think of it the more sorry I feel for the oysters and the dreams they ate.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05723639294340760325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-18713615832677090592014-08-14T22:04:34.493-05:002014-08-14T22:04:34.493-05:00Terrific poem, apart from anything else - very viv...Terrific poem, apart from anything else - very vivid! I am interested to see how Americans and Europeans might say words differently from Aussies like me and how that would affect the beat. Here there were mostly similarities, but it would come naturally to me to give several lines a somewhat different pattern of emphases.Rosemary Nissen-Wadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05913841031559499568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-86280251837972366472014-08-14T20:11:03.896-05:002014-08-14T20:11:03.896-05:00Nice--there is a natural "speaking" rhyt...Nice--there is a natural "speaking" rhythm to this. Beyond the beat, a powerful message as well. Very well done!Jeffhttps://mytinythroes.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-22920234928858064152014-08-14T19:00:45.251-05:002014-08-14T19:00:45.251-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07366010389846904663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-78186897272923725452014-08-14T19:00:43.973-05:002014-08-14T19:00:43.973-05:00I like the progression of each stanza: each one b...I like the progression of each stanza: each one beginning with "on the dark side of..." I do feel the beat of your words, Gay.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07366010389846904663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-2861982661641944682014-08-14T18:44:26.520-05:002014-08-14T18:44:26.520-05:00I like how the first lines repeat and the beat jus...I like how the first lines repeat and the beat just keeps me moving one word at a time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-79642339342630681642014-08-14T17:21:28.503-05:002014-08-14T17:21:28.503-05:00This poem takes me way back to one of the first po...This poem takes me way back to one of the first poems of yours I read and has the same immediate appeal. I think I remember comparing that first poem to one by Ogden Nash. Your rhythm is thrilling and invigorating, it drives the reader forward. It is a wonderful skill.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17392858163745232319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-45812986507818395112014-08-14T17:10:37.134-05:002014-08-14T17:10:37.134-05:00Thanks Glenn. It's been fun. I like the idea...Thanks Glenn. It's been fun. I like the idea of asking people to explicate their own poems. We can't really evaluate others' poems until we learn to break our own down. And even though I don't think about all the devices I use (other than rhyme - which is tricky for me at best), it makes us appreciate that stuff when we read fellow poets' work.Beachannyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08638256396472533685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-32556744005186547852014-08-14T16:21:32.838-05:002014-08-14T16:21:32.838-05:00There is a dark side to everything, that shifts co...There is a dark side to everything, that shifts counterpoint to the sun all day; not always in the same place. Yeah, I was bad not to play strictly by the prompt rules, but I needed to create a Lune American Haibun, something new, and the rhythms shifted from syllabic to stresses to beats & breaths--so thank-you dear lady for taking my last couple lunes, and diagraming their rhythms; at least they were there to be found & designated. I, too, liked the cupid line, and I'm haunted its /unemptied quiver on the stairs/ sad, because there is never enough Love in this world already, without cupids getting all uppity & stoned & lazy. Glenn Buttkushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10680725814199700692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-20460678514121590262014-08-14T15:48:37.623-05:002014-08-14T15:48:37.623-05:00That's why I live in the country... : )That's why I live in the country... : )Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-5955058190193301332014-08-14T15:05:20.174-05:002014-08-14T15:05:20.174-05:00Love this overall prompt you provide..and also the...Love this overall prompt you provide..and also the way you embolden blaze this story of the truly what can be the dark side of life..and it reminds me of living in North Florida..riding through towns of farms thriving gone by..rusted tractors..gas stations abandoned..dusty roads..rusty cars..without hub cap wheels..making me feel that..<br /><br />home is not home unless there are structures built a new..with engines of technology roaring full speed ahead..<br /><br />but as i grow older..i do truly feel that home..is anywhere i can listen to a song..barefoot a feat of feet on sand..but argh..<br />i still want my iPod or iPhone..to get all the magick musicK i want..connected to the world wirelessly but grounded secure barefoot on sanded shore of true home earth!yes..i balance is where i thrive2!..:)!hybrid robot and human too..still..as long as balance does..stay true!Katie Mia Frederickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01336627766755378406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-66612609183246113512014-08-14T15:02:02.466-05:002014-08-14T15:02:02.466-05:00beautiful imagery!! the dark side of heaven was my...beautiful imagery!! the dark side of heaven was my favourite... quite an irony in itself!!Arushi Ahujahttp://thetaleofaglobetrotter.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-44844688636192255272014-08-14T14:56:18.206-05:002014-08-14T14:56:18.206-05:00nice...i could def hear your rhythm when i see the...nice...i could def hear your rhythm when i see the bold words and syllables...and it gives this a really nice beat...and your pauses as well seemed very natural to me in my breathing.... Brian Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00722940075884718007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-16830192111987763582014-08-14T14:51:31.783-05:002014-08-14T14:51:31.783-05:00The poem is wonderfully, skillfully written. The ...The poem is wonderfully, skillfully written. The words really create a mood, and I can understand a little better how/why rythm matters so much. I like your self observations at the end. Myrna R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15088915165678737118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-71505091684407704062014-08-14T14:43:35.529-05:002014-08-14T14:43:35.529-05:00There is a natural smoothness in this that I love....There is a natural smoothness in this that I love.. and quite a lot of blues in this.. the tone really works well with the subject.. the sadness and darkness of those parts of town.. really shows how parts of our so called modernity is breaking apart.brudberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12563403553536472377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-31603273334964089982014-08-14T14:39:33.620-05:002014-08-14T14:39:33.620-05:00Yes, it does....Yes, it does....annell4https://www.blogger.com/profile/07629830133868270690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-66299903305853707382014-08-14T14:30:21.521-05:002014-08-14T14:30:21.521-05:00wow - first so interesting to read this piece agai...wow - first so interesting to read this piece again after more than three years and having met you in person, i def. can hear your voice in this gayClaudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03011763027311966186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-40885243303649427622011-06-02T18:50:05.563-05:002011-06-02T18:50:05.563-05:00Powerful imagery here Gay; someone above me said &...Powerful imagery here Gay; someone above me said 'apocalyptic'.. I think that is on the money. You skilfully paint some dark pictures that elicit uncomfortable feelings. Job done, eh?Luke Praterhttp://lukepraterswordsalad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-77648088970361523482011-06-01T23:49:42.800-05:002011-06-01T23:49:42.800-05:00Enjoyed your poem, especially the last stanza (bri...Enjoyed your poem, especially the last stanza (brilliant)!<br /><br />"turning grey and green<br />pointing down on mist sick and mean<br />where the dancing fish scale the big machine<br />all the broken shells all the eaten dreams<br />gone beneath the waves of the swirling sea"<br /><br />In your words, I find myself there, in the swirling sea.*https://www.blogger.com/profile/06484208765656281917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943152373837433678.post-17258792823734178682011-06-01T22:19:09.484-05:002011-06-01T22:19:09.484-05:00I like all your notes. They satisfy a need in me t...I like all your notes. They satisfy a need in me to see something I wrote through others' eyes. I like knowing what works and thinking about it some more. You guys give me good comments and considered information. Thank you!Beachannyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08638256396472533685noreply@blogger.com