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| © Julie - South Carolina |
blazing hot pink reflected flash on glass.
Burning! Burning! Lone flamingo
at one with setting sun's last glow.
Waking en pointe, when moon grays to dawn's light,
burning Ra then lifts sickled bill in flight.
A phoenix rising not from ash, but love's
blazing return from aching crash. No doves--
this love! this love! burns luminous;
white hot, melding souls. Our dance turns
this flamingo passion; excites, expounds
this love, a ballet that flies without bounds.
© Gay Reiser * 2011 * All Rights Reserved
Posted for FormForAll - the Stacatto Form
Hosted on 11/17/2011 by Beth Winter at dVersePoets
*NB:
Flamingo - birds in the genus Phoenicopterus (from Greek φοίνικοπτεροςmeaning "Phoenix's wing"), the only genus in the family Phoenicopteridae.
The Egyptians believed Ra sometimes took the form of a flamingo
A phoenix and a flamingo in a dance of love? Hot pink and burns luminous, gosh! Beautiful verse!
ReplyDeleteHank
The rhyme, repetition, and alliteration call for a somewhat understated reading; you gave it just the right emphasis to keep in control that "flamingo fandango passion".
ReplyDeleteBrilliantly read. I love both the poem and the image. Great job.
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Very staccato indeed and very vibrant! K.
ReplyDeletehmmm..love the passion in this gay...what a dance..
ReplyDeletealready sneaked in and had a look at beth's staccato form post when no one was around at the pub...smiles... really cool - think it's a great article..not sure though if i manage to write a staccato poem..crazily busy at the mo...but we'll see..
Oh, you captured the energy wonderfully! Your internal rhymes enhance the flow and the repeats pull the reader along with the poem. Bravo for taking this on and mastering the form. Standing ovations!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful, Gay. It dances tango across the page... love the flamingo!
ReplyDelete...and here's how it done...
ReplyDeleteGay, it's rather beautiful. the words are apt, the images are rapt, and the allusions leave no illusions. simply, very good.
Oh, I love mythology, probably too much so-lol great combination here, it seems you really nailed down the staccato and how cool is this, one of my favorite mythical creatures, the Phoenix. Really enjoyed, thanks
ReplyDelete"A phoenix rising not from ash, but love's
ReplyDeleteblazing return from aching crash."
Gorgeous!
Truly enjoyed this blend of Egyptian myth and passion. I wish I'd read it before embarking on mine, it would have come out so much better. Always learn a lot, thanks!
ReplyDeleteWaking en pointe, moon grays to dawn's light,
ReplyDeleteburning Ra then lifts sickled bill in flight.
You captured the mystery so well. This staccato works so well here.
Hi Gay, I wrote a long comment on my own blog re iPad art and the different ways to upload it to blog. It's probably a bit boring, but, if you are interested, I outlined the different ways I typically do it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind comments and also the push to do something new. K.
wow this is hot gay..you work those rhymes and play so well within form...great piece...moving and visual...
ReplyDeleteIt glows! It glows!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully crafted Gay...
Those flamingos are hot! You did wonders using this form and I was totally enraptured by your words.
ReplyDeleteOh! Brava! I love the repeated "A phoenix rising not from ash." You show us all how it's to be done. Love it.
ReplyDeletevery cool photo and staccato!
ReplyDeleteabsolutely beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteI really like your closing lines:
ReplyDelete"our flamingo fandango passion burns
white hot, melding souls. Our dance turns
this love, a ballet that flies without bounds"
Beautiful. I love "a ballet that flies without bounds."
ReplyDeleteGay, I took the liberty of reposting my response to your comments at my blog:
ReplyDeleteDear Beachanny,
Kathmandu, Kashmir, all are undisturbed. Nature at its purest.One day you'll get to go, Ma'am. Maybe by that time to meet also beautiful little babies of the newly-weds!
Hank
Passion in colour - nice to hear the poem!
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for the comments. I enjoyed trying this poem. I, too, found it difficult. One has to think a little differently for this form. It breaks from the usual rhythm. The exclamatory words are a bit difficult to choose so that they can recur in the last line. I tend to write to my last line.
ReplyDeleteI start at the end of my poems. That's probably why I have weak beginnings. I know it's an issue and I continue to work on it. So in a way I worked backward to the exclamatory words. I don't know why I chose flamingos. But I noticed several poems included birds. I wonder if bird sounds aren't naturally staccato and the sound brings them to mind?! Thank all of you for taking the challenge.
Free spirits all of us, we tuned it to our own vocal range. Good work everyone!
This form was much trickier than I expected. What an unexpected topic you chose. I agree with you that trying the form has something to offer. I was much more aware of the sound and feel of lines after writing this. I didn't make the deadline, but I did write one, if you're curious.
ReplyDeleteLovely poem!
ReplyDeleteHow you depicted such emotion through a very ordinary encounter with a flamingo is beyond me. I truly appreciate your ability to embrace feelings in everyday circumstances, what more in such an unorthodox piece of poetry. Enjoyed reading your work, Beachanny.
ReplyDeleteAll I gotta say is WOW :) LOVE this ....
ReplyDeleteI think I could listen to your voice for hours Gay ~ totally captivated ~
ReplyDeleteLib x