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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Mona's Song


Housing Project - Common Domain



















Remembering her life unplanned
A window that was her dreamland
She left a bleak and cruel life
To build on rock instead of sand.

She walked through streets of hate and strife
Where words cut deeper than a knife.
She kept her thoughts as straight as pins
From child to mom; from girl to wife.

To learn!  The key to those big wins
With judgment keen and sharp as fins.
Then truth was poured into her soul
It washed away her stinging sins.
                             
Her life had been an empty bowl,
Though failures took a grievous toll,
Each year she gains more self control;
Her faith renewed now makes her whole.

(c) Gay Reiser Cannon * 2011 * All Rights Reserved

Posted for dVersePoets OpenLinkNight 8/16/2011


Mona's Song by beachanny

52 comments:

  1. Appears depressingly real through trials and tribulations she came through fighting. There's some consolation, with light at the end of the tunnel

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  2. It's interesting how the inclusion of this particular image sets a context for this poem that differs from other possible contexts were no image present. The very label "housing projects" carries so many connotations.

    I like your relating of "life unplanned" with "A cloud window" and how that passes into "dreamland".

    I also like "She kept her thoughts as straight as pins", with its implication that her thoughts are the one thing she can control.

    There's a lot of abstraction here but works on the reader.

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  3. Sometimes a sad life teaches you how to end it well. My heart is with you, m'lady.

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  4. This was written for a good friend and co-worker who came out of the projects, made a life for herself and her family. "Judgment" carries inner references as she made the law her life, her passion, her profession, her door to a better life.

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  5. i so like the hope you spread with this...the having been able to change direction because there were people who started that project. despite projects like this, not all the people manage to grab their chance..glad mona did..

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  6. a beautiful tale of hope and dreams, my dear friend! love

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  7. I like the way you allow your language to be translated into the heart-speak of this friend and co-worker, speaking the truth as she would say it. Such empathy really allows the other to come to life. - Brendan

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  8. smiles. i am glad she found hope after all the pain...this is true redemption in skin...beautiful write gay...

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  9. Meaningful and full of hope and faith to rise from one's challenges.

    Love these lines:

    She walked through streets of hate and strife
    Where words cut deeper than a knife.
    She kept her thoughts as straight as pins
    From child to mom; from girl to wife.

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  10. "She kept her thoughts as straight as pins
    From child to mom; from girl to wife."

    I can relate... and the peace that finally comes is divine. Love this!

    laurie kolp

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  11. The most important aspect of this piece for me Gay, is that it feels real, which makes it easy for your reader to connect/relate.

    She left a bleak and cruel life
    To build on rock instead of sand

    These two lines, for me, are about empowerment, taking control of one's future.

    Solid write, which I much enjoyed.

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  12. Gay, I felt that this poem, with the opening lines was one of immigration....sand to rock...


    but this alludes to so much more...more the mental discipline.

    It is a heartbreaking poem, because Mona is not the standard. I live in Atlanta and the inner city has so many housing projects that are nothing more than holding cells of life.

    "She kept her thoughts as straight as pins".

    Truly remarkable introspection Gay, into the process of a young woman assaulted on all sides..and really her only salvation to get through all this. Self-discipline.

    This is such a haunting poem, Gay, because it's ripped right out of reality.

    I'm glad Mona made it. I'm glad you wrote this haunting poem.

    Thank you.

    Lady Nyo

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  13. These lines really nailed that that sense of hope:
    Though failures took a grievous toll,
    Each year she gains more self control;
    Enjoyed this.

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  14. Lovely - turning lead to gold :)

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  15. Our childhood shapes and affects who we will become as we grow up but, we do not have to remain there in a bad place. We can educate ourselves, make and shape our world if we wish too badly enough. It sounds as if your friend did just that.
    A lovely write and read for your friend too, thank you.

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  16. It was wonderful hearing you read this Gay. That element really made the poem even more personal and real. Fine use of the rhyme scheme to state and underline without too much stress the way things are for your character, and how her own heart and soul play such a major role in shaping her life above mere circumstance. A lesson we all need to take to heart.

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  17. Gay~
    I know her. Well.
    You've creatively expressed one's evolution and escape.
    Nicely done.

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  18. Oh love your reading of this...it gives so much to the piece..thank you..Gay..I do need to do this sound...bkm

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  19. Thanks everyone for stopping by my table to read this evenin'. Appreciate the fine words you've had to say. Mona's a special woman, she has a case of iron over a smoking fine body, but she brooks no nonsense. She a woman who's takin' names, and no one is pulling the wool over her again. She has the keys to the "system" as she calls it, and knows all the judges in the area by their first names. If you want to re-schedule a court date, you should know her!

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  20. Yes. Mona firmly believes it is NOT a poem if doesn't sing and it doesn't rhyme! She has some rules, that one.

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  21. So wonderful when people beat the odds, great piece.

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  22. Each year she gains more control. That's the goal, eh? Struggles image is apparent here, but so is the building of a boldness to let faith bloom. Great inspiring write.

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  23. I just notoced the recording. Excellent. Even better. Very sincere, honest voice!!!!!

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  24. Gosh, how many of us live less than a spiritual life--full of 'failure'...move to that 'rock' frame of mind, then an awakening which brings us peace--No Matter What? I liked this one!

    Note: I'd hate to come home to that neighborhood at 3 AM drunk out of my mind. How would I EVER know which one housed my bed?--grin!

    PEACE!

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  25. She is a fighter, a learner and a winner, proving one can rise above anything with the right attitude.

    You and your friend both rock!

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  26. This was a lovely poem with an outstanding ending.Nice

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  27. A wonderful poem about the faith/life journey beautifully intertwined together, as they should be. Well done!

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  28. yours is one of redemption this week, too, it seems. Thank you for the 'angelic' ;) comment you left on my blog tonight.

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  29. i felt and understood reading your poem Gay.

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  30. It was lovely to hear you read your poem. I really enjoyed this tale of survival and eventual elevation from hardship, physical and emotional. The human spirit that overcomes is written deep in your words.

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  31. The scenes are different, yet this speaks so well of so many individual women, fighting their way through this life.

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  32. Brilliantly rhymed and it was a special thrill to hear it so beautifully read.

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  33. Hello.
    Mona shows a strong will in this poem...no matter what trials and tribulations we face in life, we can overcome.
    Love these lines: "Then truth was poured into her soul
    It washed away her stinging sins." & "Each year she gains more self control;
    Her faith renewed now makes her whole."

    Powerful poem indeed.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Remove These Satin Sheets

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  34. Lovely poem, Gay-- building on stone not easy...but durable. xxxj

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  35. Several of you have commented on the rhyme. Perhaps not fair to talk about the "form" here. I don't know that it has a name but perhaps it does. Frost said he was unaware of a name for it when he used it in "Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening". Mona's favorite poet is Robert Frost. I intentionally used that poem as a model for meter and rhyme scheme. Thanks.

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  36. Gay! This is so very, very awesome! Love the write, love the rhyme. It is perfect when read a loud...but the player wouldn't work for me :( So, I had to do that myself! You've won my office share of the day! :)

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  37. so glad you posted the audio. Beautifully constructed piece - Rubáiyát after Frost's variation? Like these two lines esp in this poignant Narrative piece -

    She kept her thoughts as straight as pins
    From child to mom; from girl to wife.

    iambic tetra all there I think bar 'her dreamland' in L2. ?

    a CLOU | dy WIN | dow, HER/her | DREAM land.

    Solid piece, much enjoyed

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  38. What a journey it must have been...
    But yes, that's exactly how life is.. full of twists and turns, with so much to learn from..

    Great bit of poetry here, Gay... very inspiring!

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  39. 'she kept her thoughts as straight as pins' is amazing (loved hearing it read), the control that harms. The structure so well undergirds the message as that foundation 'rock instead of sand' is required to empower a life. Brilliant.

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  40. The personal reading made it even more real. Great poem, lovely form, rhyme and cadence.

    "To learn! The key to those big wins" - The truth wrapped in the middle of such a heart warming poem. Great write.

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  41. This is beautiful, I enjoyed the poetry and the story immensely.

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  42. Gay, I enjoyed hearing you read this poem. It is a lovely tribute to your friend and a compelling testimony to the grace that enabled her triumph over adversity. Thank you for sharing her victory with us!

    David

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  43. Love the ring of hope that rises out of this in the end.

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  44. nice...she sounds like quite the woman and you play her journey well, both the highs and lows...an empty bowl...withstanding the words that hurt and yet...and yet...nice gay...

    ok i am getting better at playing in the sand box...a little...smiles...

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  45. I love the re-posting.. Nice form and uplifting words ~

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    Replies
    1. I also want to thank you for your lovely words in my blog.

      If I have grown at my writing, its because of the support and encouragement like you and other writers at D'verse ~

      Happy Easter Gay ~

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  46. The true test, of course, is how the poem stands on its own merits, without benefit of realization of the underlying structure. In this, you succeed perfectly, with a narrative that is, ultimately, inspirational.

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  47. A fine use of the form with image and words telling a life story

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  48. Gay, this is a beautiful story told with style, rhythm and charm and a wonderfully strict form:)

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  49. Really beautiful, Gay... I love the hope of a changed life so wonderfully expressed... especially in the last six lines.

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  50. Wow- such a positive piece imbued completely with life's struggles and hardships...a difficult subject matter- yet you spun it so as to make the perserverenace of the human spirit unbreakable. I really loved this form- and you excepted it very well indeed!

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  51. Very wonderful poem, Gay. so much awareness of the possibilities that have been and can still be. You have used the form so well to record the history of growth, decay and renewal. The form reinforces the sense of wholeness that you mention in the last stanzas.

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