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| Dark Matter Universe - NASA |
Spiders weave a web their prey can't see
binding them in wound transparencies.
Eyes of creatures are designed for what's
vital to specific needs and wants,
ruled by laws that seem invisible,
tooling lives by laws empirical.
Laws may change; although they're measurable,
follow models mathematical.
Threads unseen may fill the infinite
heading life in paths indefinite;
Though the riddle's solved, there's sensible
notions where a void or time is visible.
Paradise may lie concealed some place --
where dark beauty hides or deep in space.
© Gay Reiser Cannon * 4.19.2012 * All Rights Reserved
Form invented by Hector Gutierrez.
Yes, we may often not know that there are goodness within ourselves. We only need to discover and realize how fortunate we are over certain qualities or skills that others lack but we have. Truly said, Gay! Great write!
ReplyDeleteHank
dang gay...this is really good...and great job on the first syllabels...i am trying...peaked in last night and need to play with it a bit more...Threads unseen may fill the infinite
ReplyDeleteheading life in paths indefinite....i like that line...well done gay
I do think that often it is the unseen that is most important and / or most influential. I like the examples you used in this poem.
ReplyDeleteThis was challenging for me. I knew what I wanted to write; the subject matter didn't want to conform to my demands however. I have been reading about how much is yet to be explored in the brain and how certain chemical compounds seem to link all life together. This compound is found in every living thing plant and animal and may also be found in asteroids and moon dust. Obviously we are only programmed to "see and know" to be human, as bees and flies and birds have different kinds of eyes. Yet we have made the lenses and mirrors we've sent to space with our eyes. Now however electon telescopes are recording unseen data and we find empty space is not empty. The world is full of wonder and only time will tell if we can decode it.
ReplyDeleteThis was great! To me it spoke about invisible threads that somehow control our lives- like a spiders web controls flies- (see! You've got me rhyming all over the place) I wonder what these invisible threads could be- fate, our body clicks ticking, fate? Our unknown pre programmed psyche's?.... I loved this firm- i found it just seemed to flow- which is worrying, and means I might have got it horrendously wrong - great job gay
ReplyDeleteYou are testing us to stretching point and yours seems so effortless. And again an arresting image to open the page with.
ReplyDelete[please come take another look to see if mine now meets the criteria. Be firm. I can take it. I think :-)]
Thank you Aprille for the comments on the poem. I didn't think it was effortless. It is a form that leads the poet rather than vice verse I think. I tinkered with the one in the article for a while before I got it to that result; I imagine I will with this too. It did NOT come easily although I had in mind clearly what I wanted to say when I began (not always the case); yet, the demands of the form altered the message slightly and took me to a slightly different ending. But I usually feel the poem is better when I conform rather than bucking it. I will be by to read and thank you again for participating.
DeleteWonderful response you gave to the incredible challenge you gave us. My hope is to come up with something for Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and commenting Victoria. I really appreciate your being there. I know it's a commitment and I know all of us respect what you have to say!
DeleteThis is fantastic Gay! You've touched on the physical, the spiritual, the metaphysical...and you've done it with what I found to be a surprisingly difficult form...sneaky way to really work us! But this is stunning!
ReplyDeleteThank you for these kind words. I believe you can now say you "own" this form. So proud of you.
DeleteBeautiful, Gay... I think paradise lies inside of us.
ReplyDeleteSo do I Laurie and I think there are connections to the divine in all life.
DeleteMe, too... and on second reading this still touches me, especially:
DeleteParadise may lie concealed someplace
where our truth resides or deep in space.
Beautiful poem, Gay. You handled the form nicely, and wrote a deep and meaningful verse, as well. Nice!
ReplyDeleteWonderful job Gay! You demonstrated excellence with the form! I thoroughly enjoyed this piece!
ReplyDeleteThis is great. I see what you mean about not realizing the rhyme is really there, great job here, especially with the subtlety. I found the first rhyme pretty difficult. It's weird too, because I typically write with a lyrical slant, and many times the front rhyme just comes, but consciously trying to hit those rhymes, and not make them overt, is quite difficult. Really great prompt, and thanks for setting the bar high here, what a wonderful piece. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI love the metaphors and the sentiment that you manage within this corset of form. I always fight form so feel free to give me any deserved demerits today :). Yours is so wonderful and natural, you always set the bar high for us and I appreciate it very much.
ReplyDeleteBrava to you for making the couplet seem easy yet thought provoking and smart.
ReplyDeletehttp://leah-jamielynn.typepad.com/blog/2012/04/regardless-i-believe-in-love.html
You do this so subtly. (And well.) K.
ReplyDeletereally cool what you did with the form gay...and it's not at all as easy as it looks on first sight...a shame that i'm missing this...
ReplyDeleteYou could take a turn at it for a later date, an OLN or poetics. It just requires a tab for dictionary (for me anyway to make sure of stresses) and one for thesaurus (to choose the word with the right stresses when the one that comes to mind doesn't work). Ha! after that it just takes arranging and voila - there you are!
Deleteha..that form...see..still haven't tried it but def. will some day..good hints with the thesaurus as well
DeleteExcellent view on how matter and spirit might play themselves in the quantifiable universe. Your use of the form always fun to read.
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed with your use of the form. Great write!
ReplyDeleteGay, I've actually never been to your site, so naughty me! I love what you did with the form, especially the wickedly clever rhymes. As for paradise, it's all around us, and you have captured that on the page. Hooray! So glad to finally get here through Poets United. Peace, Amy, and here's my attempt:
ReplyDeletehttp://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/04/20/free-spirit-speaks-couplets-for-dverse/
There was something very ethereal, yet profound about this, right from the opening line "Spiders weave a web their prey can't see / binding them in lined transparencies."
ReplyDeleteThanks for the introduction to a challenging form Gay. You use it well here, though I think I like the one in the article a bit more--subject matter, probably. ;_)
ReplyDeleteNo Joy, not subject matter alone, it needs more work. These take a lot of tinkering. I spent several hours with it, but it doesn't say just what I want it to yet. I think some line changes and another couplet might refine it. Appreciate your reading and coming by.
ReplyDeleteThere's an essence of metaphysical truth here, that ranges from the microcosmic to the universal. I absolutely adore the way you've been able to hit the framed couplet tonality with the first syllables, so difficult - as I am finding - but I am sure so satisfying when done right, as with this poem.
ReplyDeleteA complex write, Gay. I enjoyed it immensely.
ReplyDeleteI'm posting this today as my pick for favorite of the year. I'm so fond of this form. It's challenging to rhyme on both ends, although it's only the first SYLLABLE on the front that is rhymed and not the entire word. This has gone through a slight revision since I first posted it. Thank you for reading or re-reading my selection. Looking forward to yours! Gay
ReplyDeleteInteresting to me! This poem makes me think it is not only spiders that weave webs that their prey cannot see. I have experienced the same with people and their webs. By the time a person is trapped in them, it may be too late. I enjoyed this poem you shared, Gay.
ReplyDeleteGay, I haven't seen this before as I had not then discovered dVerse, so it's quite a treat for me to see what was going on before I even started contributing. This is such an interesting form that I may well try it myself before too long ... love the threads interweaving and binding, leading to an unseen paradise ... just lovely.
ReplyDeleteGay--this is exquisitely well done.
ReplyDeleteIt was exciting to revisit this poetic journey through space, dark matter, and spirit. I love how you take us from the mesocosm to the macrocosm with deft metaphors. You fulfill the form requirements with grace and musicality, I am again duly impressed!
ReplyDeleteAH yes, the unseen. Great poem - really makes you think.
ReplyDelete"Those riddles solved make sensible
ReplyDeletenotions where time or void are visible."
But do they really help us place the invisible? The logic of your couplets and progression of thought almost make me believe I could locate, thus, the location of paradise. If it's a truth, however, I suspect it's deep in inner space!
A fun read.
funnily enough that was the first phrase in that line on my initial post but I didn't like far rhyming with paradise so felt I should change it. Still have one line that doesn't quite scan and haven't found any way to fix it yet. But I really appreciate your comment. This is still a work in progress.
Deletea challenge you've pulled off beautifully. spiders' empirical laws and threads unseen draw me close-in and your last two lines bring me to shivers. So glad you posted this again, I am happy to read it and learn. ~jane
ReplyDeleteWow, re-reading this one, loving your line /these riddles solved make sensible notions where time and void are visible/ could have been the premise for Ridley Scott's new film PROMETHEUS. Nice for you to offer up again.
ReplyDeleteCor science and poetry - very pre Romantics!
ReplyDeletethis was a wonderful trip of a read!
ReplyDeletenot a bad one to revist at all...as you dazzle me with your form...i dont remember if i ever figured this one out honestly....smiles....thank you for being who you are gay...a wonderful part of our team...would not be the same without ou...and one day we will get to meet in NYC...smiles.
ReplyDeleteWell then there's a whole lot more work to do I'm thinking!
Deletedid you mean to link this one at poetics again?
DeleteGay...I think this is one that will stay with me always! Absolutely adore the mixing of the mystical and magical with science and spirit too. You've allowed my to visit the clouds while keeping feet firmly planted...what a wonderful year it's been, and so much gratitude for you and your wonderful articles...I have learned so very much!
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed the form Gay...always learning from you. I think some of life's mysteries will always be a riddle ~
ReplyDeleteGay, I always enjoy your words. I wanted to say happy Anniversary , you have been an important part of this journey.
ReplyDeletethe cadence is wonderful...
ReplyDelete"Threads unseen may fill the infinite"... such a wide-open beautiful expanse of a poem.
it's quite possible "our truth resides" "deep in space."
ReplyDeletethe mathematician in me loves how perfectly you weaved this mathematically enhanced web.
I'm sorry I missed this form; while I don't have much patience for rhyme, I think I would have thoroughly enjoyed toying with it.
okay...so I went ahead and gave it a go. It really only reinforced my ill will toward rhyme. Though I do admit there is something in the satisfaction of accomplishment (no matter how horrid the end result might be).
DeleteYou Made Your Bed
love "binding in wound transparencies" That's us--caught by so many things we can't see--bound by the invisible.
ReplyDeleteGlad you caught me this time. Now with The God Particle in the news this poem takes on a different slant than it would have in April for me.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician. He "tried" to explain these things that were being sought, the ideas of creating fusion, the Higgs Boson, string theory. I filter them through my artsy tartsy head. I keep going back to the idea that we are the "whos" in whoville with such a small scope to see the world through. My idea here was if we build telescopes and microscopes to adapt to our eyes, as we have up until now, we only see what human eyes are allowed to see. Yet, there is so much more there that we still don't quite and may never have the means to see..the shapes of souls, the places where we'll spend our next great adventures.
ReplyDeleteFascinating to see the rhymed couplet form done well. It gave me fits when trying to do it. Great mastery with the words.
ReplyDeleteThis is truly beautiful. I love poetry, both to read and write it, but understand only little of the technical. I write purely to express the words of my heart, learning bits and pieces about line and form as I go, as I have today by reading your work and then scrolling through the comments. You've definitely challenged me and I'm grateful.
ReplyDeleteThe physical and metaphysical all wrapped so wonderfully
ReplyDeleteThose last two lines resonate with me so strongly. And I so admire your grasp of form...the careful craft of it...This will be with me for a long time, and I will revisit. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThreads unseen may fill the infinite
ReplyDeleteThis is true in so many ways and at so many levels, as, indeed, is the poem.
The bursting out of the cocoon of a mathematician is how I read this sonnet. The form might have been a constraint to you, but the words are words of freedom.
ReplyDeleteParadise may lie concealed someplace
ReplyDeletewhere our truth resides or deep in space.
The elusive dream. Paradise sought after but not realized. Great write Gay!
Hank
an intriguing read there Gay thanks!
ReplyDeleteAn intriguing read there Gay, thanks!
ReplyDeleteYes, I remember this poem and think you've really tightened. It was good then too, but very sharp and clearer now. k.
ReplyDeleteI love the rhythm of this piece, and the care taken over every single line. My favorite: tooling lives by laws empirical. Thanks for being part of my universe at dVerse!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful! I especially like the opening:
ReplyDelete"Spiders weave a web their prey can't see
binding them in wound transparencies"
Coming back to this reminds me how wonderful your command of poetic form is. I also remember the mind-bending subject, taking me to places that I know and need to remain aware of. The interplay between what we see and experience through our senses seems so limited when science and knowledge open up these vast areas of unknown territory. Your poem is a great reminder to stay open to things unseen, realities yet to be known!
ReplyDeleteI love the beginning. Spiders are very clever! binding them in wound transparencies....I love it!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this again...
ReplyDeleteWander
each time i read it i discover another layer..that's a wonderful poem gay
ReplyDelete