Nearing twilight
by the balustrade
I behold the gravel path below
carved crystal cylinders sing
carnations and chrysanthemums
crimson hues cry gold-
en leaves from trees.
Fountains spray rain-
bows on violets and jasmine
a cockatiel squeals
trilling a procession of marble queens
royalty attired not so fine as peacocks'
plumage nor so much as sparkling jewels.
I see you in the shadow of the maze
you're not alone and although I can't see
her, your body croons so much
beseeching her with madrigal feats.
Our little girl in a golden swing winds
wide and wider circles with her feet
while she warbles words of a king named
Kubla Khan with silver notes swayed sweet.
In Xanadu did he betray a wife's rhapsody
And fall for the romance of a courtesan's
lay?
(c) Gay Reiser Cannon * 2011 * All Rights Reserved
My photos from Les Jardins du Luxembourg - Paris - 2009
Dans Le Jardin by beachanny
Wow you have such a way with your words. Really playing them off one another with great imagery. Nice little rhyme play in it too. Like how you used gravel path, as fall for the romance of a courtesan's lay could send him right down it. Great write.
ReplyDeletethis is so well writ gay...love the descriptions you open with and use of alliteration, then the turn to a more intimate notice...nice word play too to end on..ha
ReplyDeleteGrea tone
ReplyDeletethe observation of life as that of the fixed statue watching how life goes by... no matter how
Love the consonance and assonance throughout. Wonderful phraseology. Bow. Grovel.
ReplyDeleteYou build such a beautiful scene, jeweled with image and warm words, and then bring it crashing down like a sharp, brutal blow on the readers head at the end. This is almost cinematic in its visual approach. I'm very impressed, Gay--an excellent piece that must have been difficult to write, on more than just a technical level. Those first two descriptive stanzas are absolutely magical.
ReplyDelete"Our little girl in a golden swing winds
ReplyDeletewide and wider circles with her feet
while she warbles words of a king named
Kubla Khan with silver notes swayed sweet."
Going to be hard for me to find a finer stanza than this.. the entire piece is simply magical..
Beautiful, Gay, in words of imagery,in photos. A journey Fantastic!
ReplyDeleteSuch beautiful description! Wow!
ReplyDeleteWow this was deep and wonderfully written at the same time.
ReplyDeletethis is stunning, Gay! Congratulations on OSP's anniversary!
ReplyDeleteA mythical garden, as much filled with history as mysteries, the statuary totems of heat and heart, the old fresh whoomph of Eros rippin' through with its golden barb. There's something so retrospective of this, old garden, old myths, a look back over a life while taking a stroll through its significant moments, loves, mistakes, thrills. Refreshing and bittersweet. - Brendan
ReplyDeleteGay, you are soaring as a poet! I see such growth in your poems, it's really amazing the imagery you set and the story-line that spins from these early images. Captivating and complex poem this is.
ReplyDeleteThis poem extends in 4 directions, it's deep and mystical and mysterious, too. It's the kind of poem that must be reread to get the 'juice' of it....it's absolutely beautiful.
This will be with me the rest of the day.
I was so enraptured by this poem, the ending took me by surprise...and this is not easy in poetry.
Brava! This is exquisite, Gay.
Lady Nyo
Breath-taking imagery. Wonderful prose. Thank you for One Stop Poetry too.
ReplyDeleteAn exuberant display...this place coaxes the bounds of the imagination, articulately weaving story, imagery, and even a touch of history to perfection. One of the best I've read this week - deep, detailed, yet heartfelt. Resplendent and, in agreement with Lady Nyo, I would have to say enrapturing. Absolutely beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone. I did take a good bit of care with this one. I have for a long time had bits of Coleridge's poem in my consciousness. I (perhaps foolishly believed what he wrote that he was spacing out on laudanum (an opiate) and wrote until interrupted and was unable to finish. Now that I'm a "grown-up" and have written poetry for a while, I don't think he lost the thread at all but carefully constructed it. Nevertheless, the idea of
ReplyDeletethe "pleasure dome with its gardens" was an idea I had shelved. I paired it with the profound effect the Luxembourg gardens had on me. They're so well enjoyed by Parisians but laid out for royalty so that even casual tourists both there and at Versailles feel "transported". That naturally leads to the story of European queens - proceeding through the ages as the procession of marble queens line the walkways of Luxembourg feeling the abandonment while their husbands took their passions and revelry behind the bushes.
Thank you for all the comments. I think I'm learning more from Monday form articles than I would have expected. I so enjoy this open and exampled course on poetry. Especially happy to hear that you think my poetry is improving.
i love the flow of this gay...how the words float into each other...the gol-den and rain-bows...and ..Our little girl in a golden swing winds
ReplyDeletewide and wider circles with her feet...this sparkles like champagne...and oui c'est parfait pour l'ambiance tres surreelle dans le jardin...
yes..it is musical..a beautiful melody gay
ReplyDeleteI love the imagery and the words of this !
ReplyDeleteKubla Khan has been one of my favorite poems since college - and this is a wonderful parallel to it.
ReplyDeleteNice work, Gay. I really enjoy the flow of this one.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece, the imagery you create is wonderful to walk through. ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteAstounding in its lyricism. How sad that such beauty could be marred by betrayal.A rainbow is painted in the first scenes, and then, such irony, the gravelly path...
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the anniversary. Lovin' your alliteration in the first stanza.. aural device is my favourite kind...
ReplyDeleteA celebration indeed
ReplyDeleteLife in a garden - Coleridge would have enjoyed this Gay