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| (c) Andrew Wyeth - Self Portrait - 1949 |
Low monstrous howls disturb our woods tonight;
the sea breaks ghosts in waves against the rocks.
Their echoes shriek within the house where light
and shadows shift in patterns on old clocks.
The hours toss on hollow, dark tick-tocks
The mirror oscillates with movement too
I'm shocked! Its silver casts the shape of you.
I jump as closet doors now creak, floors squeak.
The clouds outrace the moon to sheath the stars.
The room is cloaked in gloom and all seems bleak.
My mind plays tricks, I hear your bass guitar;
those ostinato beats resound afar.
In rhythmic drones they fade to solo song;
a sad oboe's atonement from beyond.
Poem (c) Gay Reiser Cannon * 2011
I broke the two 7 line stanzas (a b a b b c c) two ways to show the "dversity" of the form. The first a quatrain and a tercet; the second a terza rima and two couplets. I didn't have to break them but I broke and indented them for effect and to show the structure.
A study for Rime Royal at dVersepoets today 7/28/11 starting at 3 p.m. Eastern, 9 p.m. UK
Join me there, please!
gay this is gorgeous...love the textures, the song from beyond...the hollow tick tocks...one day you will have to teach me about poetry basics...maybe i will go reread the one you did on it...i can find the beat of the street but struggle putting it to feet & making in-form'd decisions you know...smiles.
ReplyDeleteI always hear that beat in your work; besides your ear is tuned to all kinds of music and your words bend better than Beckham.
ReplyDeleteI feel very intimidated by this form, I
ReplyDeletecant wrap my brain around it.
I'm sorry Evelyn. May I help in any way?
ReplyDeletea very good example my fine lady.....and cant believe you mentioned beckham in your comments
ReplyDeletehahaha - he's getting lots of poetic play, lately, Pete. Thanks for coming by and reading today.
ReplyDeleteA very beautiful form, Gay. I can hear the sounds and flow of the poem.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if I will do this right; maybe I can send it to you first, and you can check...
If you like, Heaven. Getting those iambs to fit the meaning is a little tricky. Having dictionary.com and its thesaurus tab is handy though.
ReplyDeleteSend to beachanny@yahoo.com
Wonderful! I've just started reading "Tamar", the epic narrative poem by Robinson Jeffers. Early in the poem he describes a great storm beating the granite shore of Big Sur, and its psychological effect on the troubled souls within the house by the sea. Your poem creates a similar mood. I love it!
ReplyDeleteDavid
Gorgeous Gay, and epic in style and story!Iambs are great but I do really like the assonance and off beats sometimes, you know this!Really enjoyed the suspense you created and the small volta at the ending is just sumptuous!
ReplyDeleteGay, I apologize--but I'm with Evelyn (above). Way above my head...I think. If I had a week to prepare (and learn) and compose something worthy, I'd have been here. You know that!
ReplyDeleteSo I sorrowfully have to remove my link to dverse.com tonight. Really, I hate it.
But I CAN--and did--play on violin many of the 13th, 14th, 15th century tunes, with their (to us) awkward rhythms, and unorthodox (to us) harmonies. I LOVE that era of music...from which ours was kept alive, nurtured, fertilized, and grown--by the 'jongleur'.
Thank you for understanding. I LOVE what YOU wrote though, and will visit others tomorrow.
Blessings
PEACE!
Steve E
Oh, those memories that linger in late hours. Beautifully crafted and presented.
ReplyDeleteBeth
TOM ELIOT:
ReplyDeleteThis form is taxing, for me at least, but you make it appear effortless.
This is a haunting write - melancholic and haunting but not frightening.
It has a reassuring quality which is part of its gift.
Thankyou.
Really lovely. You do make this form seem effortless, which is no small trick. I think the only part I was unsure of was the switch from bass guitar to oboe. I didn't quite make the leap with you on that.
ReplyDeleteIf enough of you want to, I can go back over meter and rhyme. There's much more than I covered in the articles I wrote for One Stop Poetry; however, getting much deeper also means a lot more information that could be confusing.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part English poetry concerns itself with four kinds of feet:
iambic (2 syllables -unstressed/stressed)
example "lament";
anapest [the iambs' 3 syllable cousin]
(3 syllables - unstressed/ unstressed/ stressed) example: by the lake
trochee (2 syllables - stessed/unstressed)
example "ancient"
dactyl (3 syllables - stressed/unstressed/ unstressed) - example - "cardinal"
There are two more, one is a spondee and the other pyhrric. Don't worry too much about pyhrric. Spondee is a two syllable foot, stressed evenly - example "football"
Miss Jane - totally understand that. I was "going for" the music being heard only in the writer's mind - her memory of his bass guitar a kind of thumping heartbeat then changing as it faded to the soft lament of an oboe - which to me is so haunting and sad. Probably too ambitious for three or four lines.
ReplyDeleteI like that you've shown variation in how this can be done. I kind of stuck to the basics. Maybe I'll eventually get braver and branch out more :) This is lovely. I've read it several times to let it soak in. My favorite line is, "The clouds outrace the moon to sheath the stars." Love that!
ReplyDeletethis is both haunting and romantic for me. love how you broke it up to show the "d'versity" of the form...you're so creative, Gay! thanks for being so patient and great with us newbies :)
ReplyDeleteThe words bring all the music of the ideas right to the surface and create a sense of music playing as an accompaniment! A beautiful feel to read!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Gay. As others have said, melancholy but also with something that makes the melancholy worth it, the memory of the music, even as it fades. The cadence is perfect for the way the mood progresses. I'm not sure how you found the inspiration for something this complex and lovely scrolling my sidebar, but it shows that truly, inspiration can come at us anywhere! ;_)
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful exposition of the form, and lovely poem.
ReplyDeleteIn my own effort, and what I've read so far, it seems that rhyme royal compels rich and dignified language.
How I love this exquisite song of a ghostly lover returned up from the sea where he faded and was lost to time."The sea breaks ghosts in waves against the rocks" makes me shiver: yes, that's how they come back ... And the final couplet--
ReplyDeleteIn rhythmic drones they fade to solo song;
a sad oboe atonement from beyond.
-- couldn't be more perfect. A bass player's low notes corresponds, to me, to the abyssal cliff which cleffs of the deepest sea. - Brendan
Gay, this is wonderful! Beautiful! I had to post my own before I read anyone else's, as I knew it would intimidate me...I'm thinking I should delete my link now! lol Love how you worked with the form, the approach, all leading to a masterful write. Honored to read...and loved the lesson (though I still need work!)
ReplyDeleteI was too intimidated to try this, wondered how I could relate to something as old and structured as the examples. Now, seeing yours I can see possibilities. The rhyme isn't overpowering and the cadence is perfectly matched to the images. Great job
ReplyDeleteI like the way you changed things up in the second part of the poem. I think it worked very well. Your gothic mood well suits the form of this piece, very reminiscent of 18th and 19th Century poetry.
ReplyDeleteA really beautiful form, one that ties well to my urge to rhyme. Love how you have split the poem to show both ways of breaking - as quatrain as well as ending with the tercet.
ReplyDeleteThis is perfection.
ReplyDeleteWell, Gay.. now I know the secret.. I should have come here first to hear what it could sound like.. :) I have a major stumble on mine and cannot figure out what's happening, so if you have the time.. please drop in..
ReplyDeleteBtw.. how long does this Form session last? I think it would be a good idea to have a week/few days to work on something.. especially us new poets!
Really enjoyed the challenge..thanks.
We can take as long as we like Becky. The page will stay up even though it may not be the top page; just as one link night does -(just click on the page on the right sidebar at dVersepoets). Also if you have individual questions write me at beachanny@yahoo.com I will try to get by to read & comment on everyone's work.
ReplyDeleteWow- this is beautiful... I especially like this:
ReplyDeleteI jump as closet doors now creak, floors squeak.
I appreciate your showing the different effects that small difference can give. This form gives me a chance to work on most of my major weakensses, so thanks for the introduction.
ReplyDeletei forgot about the form completely as i became more and more absorbed in your words ~ this is exquisite on every level, Gay! your talent is awe inspiring. ♥
ReplyDeletedani
I love where you took the image and how you did it. Perfect example of where and how to take liberties with the basic form. And you have wrapped the whole in some compelling words. Brava!
ReplyDeleteOne small niggle: "there silver quivers cast the shape of you." I may be mis-reading your intention, but shouldn't that be "their" a) for the grammar and b) for the iambic feel? - there being stressed in that context
Some deep sadness driving this atmospheric poem. And it's also interesting to go back to the poets, painters and musicians who broke with all the conventions back in the late 19th/early 20th. They were often skilled in the'old ways'so knew why they broke with them but often used these 'old ways' that many of us 100 years later have lost. Of course the irony is that this form also broke with the 'old ways' of 4 beats per line, alliteration and no rhymes but Chaucer could use them in his poetry when it suited. The purpose of this ramble is that we loose much if we forget our past.
ReplyDeleteThis is so lovely! I was just sitting down to try my hand at the new-to-me form, but I noticed your link is up. next time I will be quicker. But I will make note of the form. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteVivin - I meant "there" in the mirror - not their meaning ghosts plural. It was a single image; however you're correct about the iamb. I didn't catch it either. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteGay-- I'd love your feedback on mine! (Click on my name & it should take you there).
ReplyDeletehttp://lkharris-kolp.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-far-must-we-go.html
Dramatic read... All was so alive.
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done, can see through yours what you were saying about the length/rhythm of mine. Thanks for the feedback too.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely LOVE how this sounds:
ReplyDeletemirrored reflections pierce and shock me through,
there silver quivers cast the shape of you.
Great poem!
You are amazing in executing this form, Gay, and I thank you for sharing it with us. Thanks also for your kind and encouraging remarks on my submission. I enjoyed the challenge. Victoria
ReplyDeleteMy, what a haunting little portrait to accompany this, for a self-portrait...a curious thing, to see inside the mind of an artist.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful form, Gay, well executed as ever. I can see how this form would intimidate many, but you tackled it with style - and though sadness lingers in the words, their power is majestic. Well done.
This is beautiful, I wish I could sit in a filled hall and listen to you recite thisThis is beautiful, I wish I could sit in a filled hall and listen to you recite this
ReplyDelete