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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Fish Flight - Not Quite A Sestina




My not-quite a sestina: - I chose my end words and used them throughout; however I did NOTuse them in the designated order, but rather as random throughout each stanza as I got them to fit what I wanted to say; I'm afraid that doesn't quite cut the mustard.  Secondly I didn't use all 6 words in the envoy but instead used only the three end words and they are also not in the prescribed order.

I haven't checked lately but I believe it is in iambic pentameter.  I think it makes perfect sense which isn't easy when one is forcing sentences to particular word endings. And it is the correct number of lines. So it's very flawed, but a decent first attempt made some time ago.  I will have another go but just as you will find, this is a puzzle that takes some time to figure out and play with. (And I haven't had much of that lately.)  Have fun!
*******
I walk with memories of pale cool shells
The night awash with brilliant streams of fish
That glint and flash like darting moonlight streaks.
I watch in awe the curling water move.
I sense the knife that cuts below the rocks
Then bathes that buried wound with briny dreams

The arching water foams around the rocks
And forms designs reminding me of shells.
My mind reflects in little darting streaks
Upon the constant of the busy fish
Now like a diary of all my dreams
That flurried rush shows me how lives will move,

Will eddy into silent coves near rocks
Then wait beyond a generation's dreams
Before the currents' flow sweeps both the fish
And wreckage onto other streams in streaks.
Most life evolves and leaves to chance its shells
In broken segments wearing smooth. Fish move.

With goals inscribed by both their needs and dreams
They lose their coven brothers as they streak
Through avenues of sand past broken rocks.
The rush of water and of time will move
Each one away from every other fish
Who left time's fragments shining like lost shells.

It seems my friends can disappear in streaks
As quick as tiny lights that swim through rocks.
I dread events that force our lives to move
And urge us to determine like the fish
Just when to leave the safety of our shells
And risk the swim by dark to half-formed dreams.

Embedded melancholy in those dreams
Is not considered when they leave their shells.
Adventure doesn't count on threatening rocks.
The thirst for newness forces all such fish
To course through enigmatic depths in streaks
Sometimes discerning ruin by such a move.

My hands stretch out to capture time and fish
That streak away before my arms can move.
I ponder loss withdrawing to my shell.

© Gay Reiser Cannon * All Rights Reserved


57 comments:

  1. this beautiful piece, brought me through many emotions, firstly, the video is intriguing with the movement and piano piece.
    then your story of adventure began love these lines

    'I sense the knife that cuts below the rocks
    Then bathes that buried wound with briny dreams'

    bringing me into a bit of melancholy and reflection and reminded me of when my kids started leaving the nest and having to deal with the sense of loss in that matter

    deep and moving

    and I agree...sometimes we do risk to much by taking our swim in the dark to pursue a half formed dream but what is life without taking risks

    to capture time...what an intriguing idea

    thought provoking write
    beautiful lines in here
    these ones just stood out to me

    thank you

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  2. Wow. Thanks y'all. It's a challenge to do poems like these, but working in forms sharpens my skills and I think gets better and more condensed ideas. Glad you liked it. Appreciate your coming by!

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  3. this poem is deep like the ocean.
    very striking, & the undertone of pure raw emotion are like gems brought up from the tide. x :]

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  4. Thanks Anthony. I like this one too. It was a load of work. Not sure I'll ever write another.

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  5. "It seems my friends can disappear in streaks
    As quick as tiny lights that swim through rocks.
    I dread events that force our lives to move
    And urge us to determine like the fish
    Just when to leave the safety of our shells
    And risk the swim by dark to half-formed dreams." -- just brilliant imagery and emotion here, Gay. This stanza will stay with me.

    You wrote a stunning sestina.

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  6. Thank you Talon. Your words are so meaningful in light of the excellent work that you yourself produce. I'm honored.

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  7. I love these lines:
    "...They lose their coven brothers as they streak
    Through avenues of sand past broken rocks.
    The rush of water and of time will move
    Each one away from every other fish
    Who left time's fragments shining like lost shells...."

    Just beautiful, Gay. The poem has an almost mesmeric effect. like the wash of waves on the shore--you have all the melancholy of the sea in here, and the sadness but inevitability of change.

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  8. So very accomplished!

    "I sense the knife that cuts below the rocks" is a wonderful line.

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  9. Ah,ruminating on when to bet and when to stand pat. It's a dangerous game, but only those willing to come out of their shells will ever know what else there can be--for nothing is ever accomplished without risk.
    Damn, this is good!

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  10. I love the ideology here, to stand still, or to take a giant leap of faith. Gay you used wonderful sumptuous images along the way here. Pulled us in with your words. Stunning my friend, stunning x

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  11. mesmerising is the right word...the swirl of emotion you evoke with this piece...nicely done gay...happy one shot!

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  12. This is such a demanding format and you have executed it so well!

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  13. Credit to you, Gay. As SMG just mentioned, this form is taxing on poetic skill. Impressive and the emotional quality is off the charts.

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  14. You had me wrapped in your music and video along with your beautiful words. Lovely write. ♥

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  15. Wow. Your words overwhelm me. You guys are the writers I look forward to reading each week. It means so much to me that you came by and commented. Even more thrilling that you liked this. Thank you so much!

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  16. I know that sounds hackneyed; but I honestly mean it. I always feel I'm walking in high cotton when I read your works. Gay

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  17. Wow. Very impressively put together. I haven't had the patience to write a sestina in quite some time, but having read this I might give it a go. Lovely imagery and metaphors. Perfect to read before logging off for the evening. :)

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  18. A sestina wow! Perfectly executed Gay.
    Not an easy form and something I haven't completed
    successfully.
    Pamela

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  19. Very beautiful, words swirling, flowing, like life. There are some images that feel so personal to me:

    "...knife that cuts below the rocks
    Then bathes that buried wound with briny dreams"

    "It seems my friends can disappear in streaks
    As quick as tiny lights that swim through rocks."

    "My hands stretch out to capture time and fish
    That streak away before my arms can move.
    I ponder loss withdrawing to my shell."

    So impressive, Gay. As Always.

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  20. This is simply incredible. I'm awed by what you've done here. The last three lines are killer!

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  21. Love the shell images of our life and lives contained giving way and retreating into....very well done ...bkm

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  22. you've more poetic nerve than I, dear anny, to tackle a sestina. and you've pulled it off brilliantly :) and that last line rocked my world, dear lady :)

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  23. Most beautiful, elegant, tender toward the world. Have you thought to use "within" in last line? xxxJ

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  24. Thanks everyone for your gracious comments. I appreciate them so much.

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  25. Jen - I'm not sure if I did or not initially, but had to work strictly to the meter. I need this construction for the rhythm and end word.

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  26. Gay, I can't say enough about this one--it's elegantly written, very sophisticated, rich! Lovely! and what you're saying is so intense yet it's controlled--I really admire the way you took your time with it!

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  27. To course through enigmatic depths in streaks... I love it!

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  28. This is a total sensory package! The poem, the music, the visual of fish.

    Wow....what a gift to your readers, Gay, that you have done this....it is delicate and profound in the same instant.

    Lady Nyo

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  29. I especially enjoyed reading your sestina with the (perfect!) musical accompaniment. I know that feeling very well. Sometimes i swim free, other times I am that turtle withdrawing into my shell. All of that was in your very enjoyable piece.

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  30. That is an outstanding poem. From the first line I was swept up and away, into memories of my own and then into your images. Excellent share!!

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  31. wow gay - i find sestinas extremely difficult and you have filled this form with ocean-like depths...hat off...The thirst for newness..spoke to me esp.

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  32. Excellent poem, well crafted, though I'm not familiar with this variation on the sestina.

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  33. Thank GOD for blogging!! At least the fish that write can stay connected!!

    What a beautifully translation of thought to words, Gay.. a superb metaphorical representation of all of life itself! -- change -- the key to it all.. (sigh)

    Wonderfully written!
    "briny dreams" -- loved it the most!!!

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  34. Beautiful words and imagery. I used to have a salt water tank and loved to watch the fish swim through and/or peek out from behind the rocks. It is too bad we can't all be like hermit crabs. They get to take their shell with them when they venture onto open sand.

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  35. Wow. Beautiful. I really felt like I could see this entire world of fishes and water and magic. The line, "My hands stretch out to capture time and fish" is so beautiful and strange and wonderful.

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  36. Breathtaking with this video inclusion/music too! I suppose I feel even more moved by it in the sense of me that wishes so much it could hold onto "time" in some aspects of life/meaning. My father passing on the 27th really has me reading this in certain depths, and I have to thank you because it also casts a comfort too in some manner to me. Layered and beautifully projected in your words! ~April

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  37. Such praise. It's all gone to my head. Maybe I'll try another one before I die and use a different model. I appreciate that all of you picked up the "time" theme. It's something that's intrigued me all my life and I want to understand it and explore it more. Time is the strangest thing in the universe to me. A minute can be so long..a year so very short and it can never quite be recalled perfectly. Well anyway good of all of you to come by my place to read. I love reading all y'all too.

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  38. Wow Gay, I am really impressed with this poem. The beautiful flow and movement and the connection between life and the picture you were painting was great. I loved the video in the beginning as well. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  39. Superb, water life focused, descriptive work.

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  40. I came back to read this again after rereading your one shot above it. It just gets better. This is a beautiful, complex almost symphonic piece and a perfect use of the sestina form. I hope you don't mind if I copy and paste it into the private folder on my PC where I keep my favorite friends' poems to reread--(I always keep full attribution and so forth, just in case.)


    If you'd rather I didn't just slip me a tweet.Thanks, as always, for all your friendship and support.

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  41. I enjoyed seeing this again. Lovely poem!

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  42. gay, this is lovely and deep with emotion as well...i like your variation on the sestina...i am a sucker for rebels that go their own way so...smiles.

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  43. To course through enigmatic depths in streaks
    Sometimes discerning ruin by such a move.

    My hands stretch out to capture time and fish
    That streak away before my arms can move.
    I ponder loss withdrawing to my shell.

    Gay your poem is intriguing and full of sagacity. Thank you!

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  44. even with the mild rebellion i think you demonstrate some fine writing - i like your variant. This form offers so many possabilities with a little personal touch for freshness.

    smart write gay

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  45. Peaceful and serene. My favorite stanza is the fifth.

    ~laurie

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  46. This is excellent! Each line was cleverly strewn and elegant, fine observation and imagery. Reading this brought a feel of something written under the sea and you are the siren taming the waves, singing for the fishes in a sweet melodic tone. It perfectly suits your blog background of the sea. I watched the clip and wow i liked it and now feeling wanting to go back near the sea at my grnadma's place. I wonder how long did it take you to come up with such a wonderful Sestina? mine took almost a day.. and yeah it's a puzzle that confused. Thank you for sharing this once again or i wouldn't have able to read it!(:

    Good day!

    ~Kelvin

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  47. The traditional order was down to some strange medieval number magic so IMHO not something to have to worry about when wanting to vary the form. Nice use of the form to explore an extended metaphor.

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  48. Awesomeness! I found sestina very difficult but fun to write. You certainly accomplished this feat well.

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  49. Gay! What a moment! And I love your title...not quite, but darn close from what I can tell from what I've learned so far. Weave those words, master! What ever way you do, it is always fantastic!

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  50. I think you know that I am a firm believer that form should fit function. Therefore, I applaud the fact you took the idea of a strict sestina, and changed it up so it worked for you. What impressed me the most was the subtle use of assonance, which gathered up vowels to create a wonderful smooth flowing sound - much like the ocean sounds of a shell. Lovely piece!

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  51. I loved the closing tercet of this piece, really beautiful write ~ Rose

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  52. Enjoyed this very much Gay! For me the 5th stanza is simply spectacular. xC.

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  53. I enjoyed this read and the fish. If the fish don't swim around and reach how will they learn grow and find the perfect spot. If their is such a thing. I tried to read it fast but the pace is controlled and rhythmic. I enjoyed this I am smiling.

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  54. I'm reminded of the Fleetwood Mac song my mother would sing about going your own way. Very enjoyable read, full of great images and creative expression that inspires me to keep writing.

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  55. your "not quite a sestina" flowed beautifully. I felt a soft touch of sadness as you withdrew into your shell. you painted a wonderful image with all your words. quite a marvelous weaving of words for a "not quite a sestina."

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