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Sunday, August 15, 2010

LAST TIME AROUND



You and I beneath a willow tree
True to youth’s impassioned goals. Now three
Decades summon that lost world again –
Decadence and lust spent with my friend.
Dreams of such rich trust and such deep fears;
Schemes we boldly etched through dusty years.

You and I once rode a carousel
Through our passing rites. Hearing the bell –
Its demand to, “Reach the ring of gold!”
Split the shafts of time and light. They told
Lies of love and hope and future’s bright
Skies, before our lives could delve the night.

You and I must seize this fleeting chance
To resume the music and the dance.

by Gay Reiser Cannon

A form created by Hector Gutierrez that he named
Framed Couplets where the first syllable and last syllable
of each couplet rhyme.  Written in iambic pentameter sans the
first unstressed syllable. This is fourteen lines, so perhaps
a kind of sonnet framed couplet.




 Published 12/2011
Willow Tree Press
© Willow Tree Press

35 comments:

  1. This is layered, lovely and bittersweet. I'm so glad I got the chance to read it.

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  2. Thank you for coming by today. I really enjoyed your work too.

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  3. your blog is very beautiful,
    it looks like the sky after rain.
    love your work and more...

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  4. Another work of interesting rhythms. Not exactly oomp pah pah but swing and sway which I guess goes with the willow trees. Liked these lines best Hearing the bell –
    Its demand to, “Reach the ring of gold!”
    Split the shafts of time and light. They told
    Lies of love and hope and future’s bright
    Skies, before our lives could delve the night." Thought it was inventive. Nighthawk

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  5. Oh. so brilliant piece of poetry...Restlessly optimistic
    "You and I must seize this fleeting chance
    To resume the music and the dance."

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  6. adorable,
    love it.
    Thanks for sharing, my friend....

    A++

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  7. lovely blog and write! mine's here- http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/head/

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  8. Thank you for coming to read from Jingle everyone. It's my first time to link. I think I never figured the time line before. I wanted to post this poem to go along with the interview with Hector Gutierrez at OneStopPoetry. This is my attempt at his form of "Framed Couplets". The first and last syllables of each two lines rhyme, the lines are 4.5 feet of iambic pentameter with the first unstressed syllable dropped. The length of the poem is not set. It is optimum but (according to Hector) not really required that the thoughts come to a stop in midline. That way even though it has rhythm and rhyme, when it's read it sounds as though it's written in free verse. Very clever and not at all easy to do. Homage to Hector is in the same form but less successful than this one. Thank you again for coming to read.

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  9. we are open Sunday 8pm, American central, if you signed in to follow Jingle Poetry Blog, then you have better idea when we are open.

    welcome in.

    Award/Treats 4 Poetic Friends of Jingle, Happy Thursday!

    see you on week 14, hopefully.

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  10. I think you've done well with the form, Gay. It sounds like a hard one. I would never have noticed the first words of the couplets rhyming if you hadn't mentioned it. It's very successful as a poem, anyway, independent of form, I think. I like the message, the wisdom of experience, combined with hope.

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  11. Wonderful piece...surely worth submitting!
    I can read this over and over.

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  12. I, too, think you've done very well with this form, which I imagine must have made your head hurt at times. I like the cadence, and especially that your rhyme is subtle. There's a lot of abstraction (though it's accessible enough). I like the second stanza for its more concrete imagery: the carousel, the bell, the ring of gold.

    Did you write to fit the form or write the poem and then accommodate it to the form? Would like to know more about how you wrote this.

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  13. Sweet "seize the day"-themed work.

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  14. Maureen. Thank you for your insight and question. The idea for this poem came first using symbols that had existed in correspondence between me and this particular friend since college.

    I took those symbols as a base..the carousel, the ring of gold particularly and then tried to think how they might work into this structure. So the writing of it grew out of wanting the thought to conform. The idea of its meaning came out of a friendship that bridged time and space.

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  15. Steve, Michael, Giovanni, Joy thank you for your particular comments. They are gratifying and I appreciate your critical reading of this piece.

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  16. For me, this plays like the last-ditch hope for a relationship foundering on the rocks of false promises and unrealized expectations. I found it a little sad.

    Excellent One Shot, Gay.

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  17. yeah that pretty well rocked...loved the inclusion of the carousel...and last ditch efforts i understand those..

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  18. I really liked this poem. I amazed at the beautiful forms of poetry this week. I too thought it was a little sad. A nice walk down memory lane. I wished as the reader that the couple could get those times back again. Great addition, thank you for sharing.

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  19. Resume the music and the dance...that is what we all must do...a lovely write and beautiful photo...bkm

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  20. what can i say, its all so poetry..the phot is already poetry itself, so dreamy surreal and beautifully lulling...and so are the words

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  21. Particularly enjoyed the run-on lines here - is this a modern sonnet? You have ten syllables per line almost invariably, many iambic, and finish with a couplet.... Felt quite sonnet-like to me.

    Because of the enjambment (run-ons), the capitalisation of beginnings of lines threw me a little. But excellent work.

    Regards

    Luke @ WordSalad

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  22. Easy poem to enjoy; brought in both the emotional connection to the past (i.e. 3 decades) as well as the opportunity for future shenanigans. Smooth flow and wonderful imagery of two old friends. Great post!

    crb.

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  23. Yes, go for the gold, Gay! Nice One Shot!

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  24. ..resume the music and the dance.. not always easy when the music wants to die down and the legs get heavy from years and years of walking... a beutiful poem you brought to the table gay - thanks for this and for being always so encouraging

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  25. Hi Gay - surely a line of iambic pent with the first unstressed syllable dropped is a complicated way, or even incorrect way, I'd dare to venture, of saying trochaic pentameter minus its last unstressed syllable? In practice, a line of iambs turn into a line of trochees just by removing the unstressed syllable at the beginning (and vice-versa), no?. (I saw the TweetLonger reply - thanks for that.. v interesting)... dig the form 'framed couplets' with a lot of enjambment. Whatever, probably just semantics now, love the poem, you're a great poet. I run a group were we post and comment on each others work, try new forms, etc. If you're looking for a space like that somewhere to get proper constructive crit from peers, learn new forms etc, you're welcome. The link is on my blogroll (Facial Expression Poetry Circle). Claudia above me is active there, probably a few you'd know.

    Cheers my friend

    Luke

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  26. I love how the last two lines pretty much diverts from the mood of the nostalgic couple of stanzas -- as rich as they are. A lovely piece underlining the importance of savoring what we have here and now.

    Thanks for sharing such beauty.

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  27. aah... the description and journey of a relationship...
    very beautifully put, Gay..
    it starts off with a light note, full of warmth and desire... but then with the passing seasons, it accumulates some dust and rust... it's up to us whether we wanna give it a new shine, and how well we wanna do it...
    Wonderfully portrayed, my friend... a certain favorite!!!

    Please do submit it for the Anthology...

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  28. I love that picture... Began by staring at it for a little while. However, your poem outshines the image by far. The sense of togetherness in it is lovely, and the tone to me seems to maintain a sense of urgency that I found uplifting.

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  29. Gosh people ... by blog was wonky today. I just now got all the comments from Eric forward. Thank you Adam. Loved yours today! Re the tone..I like that and wonder if the form reinforced it. I was spending a lot of time thinking about that as I constructed it. :-)

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  30. Luke I'd love to try out your forms. You might have to put up with my being here and there. I have a few trips on my horizon. One to England (ho ho ho) in January ... oh you knew that. And one to Florida in February. But I'm honored to be invited and would love to learn and try my hand!

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  31. Kavita how very kind your comment is and how very much appreciated! Actually this poem although outwardly it was meant to suggest romance and/or friendship was on a personal level talking about writing poetry with an old college friend. Maybe that's what gave it the urgency. We'd both grown up and older and were busy with families and jobs and had pretty much quit writing even letters to each other.

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  32. Oh now I see my other comments were lost and I've forgotten what I said, but will say to everyone who came by to me how much it means that you looked at this critically and encouraged me to submit it. Thank you so much!

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  33. How did I miss this one??? Very good, Gay...speaks to a maturity in relationship that needs to be reinforced....by any means necessary.

    Lovely and deep poem that resonates like a tuning fork.

    Lady Nyo

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