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Sunday, June 19, 2011

CRANE


i am walking by
she's hanging out
the window
now she's standing
on the frame
she catches me
i don't smile at her
she lifts her leg
in a rude gesture
casts down
aspersions
with her eyes
i turn my head yet
i see her reflection
in the glass
across the street
her face smeared
with smug
i look back at her
she's still standing on
one leg
her head is bent too
then she seems to rise
like a bird about to fly
her neck arches
she lifts a pointed foot
to the sky
as she turns
her hair
falls
and
she's
gone

(c) Gay Reiser Cannon *2011* All Rights Reserved

35 comments:

  1. Great flow of words to describe something that not only capture your eyes but your mind, and lingers on. Great poem.

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  2. Somehow talking of rude gestures in the context of such a beautiful image, made the words feel out of kilter..

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  3. Hi Gay - lovely poem - I don't know if you know Ludovico Einaudi but he did a piece called Crane Dance - about the dance of the Crane - it's here if you get a chance to listen to it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIvkCtvalQ0 - I think it fits beautifully with your poem - Steve :)

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  4. the lifting the leg gave me a chuckle. you capture the scene well...for my taste it is a bit more tell than show, but that is probably just me...

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  5. I love it, Gay. You really are showing off your full palette with this one. The words themselves are almost gestures. My favorite line is "..her face smeared / with smug.." So perfect. Way to go with the free versery, girl. There is lift-off here for sure.

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  6. Plenty of room to breathe in this unceasing flow - no punctuation, no pause, a complete cogitation flowing from opening to end. WS Merwin is the master of the one-sentence poem, and this is one he'd applaud. It also is what it does, sort of perched on one thin leg, is narrow as a beak, as the isthmus between observer on one side of the pane and wild nature taking flight on the other. - Brendan

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  7. Such an elegance to your form, here, in keeping with your theme... This poem is tantalizing, like a tiny piece of a much bigger picture.

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  8. I imagine a proud ballet dancer at a warm up bar in a second story window... and she's a snot. Thanks for the mind pictures :)

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  9. hmm - i can see her gay...if you shot a picture, you couldn't have made it more visible...i would compare it to a painting, reduced to the minimum, not too much details to not distract from the main topic...well painted..

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  10. Lifting a leg in a rude gesture? Ha, you portrayed your feelings for her pretty well in this poem, it's a short tale but enough I think to leave us wanting to know why the scene has taken place. Poetry is all about questions, prose is more about show and tell, you've combined both here and it's pretty effective!

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  11. Beautiful, Gay. You brought the bird to life for me.

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  12. "her face smeared with smug". Oh I love that.

    I want to thank you again, Gay, for your kind invitation to be part of the Free Verse series!

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  13. I love the line too that Shay quoted...very nice ...lovely piece that take you up with it...bkm

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  14. Truly wonderful free verse to the prompt image. Great write! ~ Rose

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  15. Thank you all for coming by and commenting today. I have read a fair number of those who linked and will try to read a few more as I can. I am working today so as you know we all run into time limits.

    Again I want to thank Shay for her exceptionally clear, concise article on free verse.

    In trying to comply with her lesson. (I may have been a tissuepaper on a comb not even a kazoo) but I was trying for the "poetic image" she spoke of. I felt I was writing from a man's point of view, but realized later it would be the same with either gender.

    I wanted to capture that haughty and arrogant woman in a window much the one Randy saw. But I've seen a lot of water birds here at the beach too. They have that same expression of a "hot house ballerina" and a sly look of superiority when they fix you with a gaze just before they fly.

    I like Brendan's take. I know Merwin's work and it must subliminally have influenced me much as all the beats did. They actually inform my idea of the "shape" of free verse. I was unaware writing it that this looked like a leg. Well I have seen "A Christmas Story" about a million times. Maybe I was going for the "special award"...ha.

    I think I caught the image one way or another, maybe I'll think about working some more on the magic.

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  16. a wonderful free verse, a nice tale.

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  17. You don't see too many like this one down in Sheet Harbour! lol Gay, this was a wonderful, telling write. Honestly, my blood pressure went up a bit as I fell into the word painted imagery, desiring to wipe that smear of smug of her face. (Sorry! Emotional reaction not held in check!) I humbly bow to your oh so talented pen!

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  18. A nice flowing, easy read that set a lovely tone and a giggle. You've beautifully captured a fleeting moment.

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  19. **special award** in trippling ripples amongst *applause* and cheers always Gay ~ show, tell,
    the gracefulness of stance ~ a fleeting moment glimpsed and expressively caught ~ thankyou Gay for all you do and also for the very kind comment on my page ~ many special wishes are sent for you on this day of Midsummer ~ Lib

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  20. This is tight and loose at the same time, but flows so beautifully....and sparks the imagination.

    I think this is exemplary as poetry: it's not cased in any barriers, but flows through the mind, the individual reader so smoothly.

    I think you are hitting new territory with this one, Gay...Growth!

    Lady Nyo

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  21. Wow! This is excellent. The emotion and imagery are sustained throughout!

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  22. lovely poem Gay! :) really love the imagery

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  23. I am intrigued, by the possible double meaning, a crane, a human (the dancer)..hmmm..enjoyed

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  24. Brilliant. Entire piece. One part that stopped me dead in my tracks was...
    "in a rude gesture
    casts down
    aspersions
    with her eyes"
    Amazing how the language directs the gestures—casts down to a slander, as if from pedestal... then the line picks up with her eyes at length. Extremely melodic too.

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  25. Came back and read it again. It's still good, maybe better. That last line is like reading the last page of book, closing it a bit reluctantly.

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  26. Oh I'd want to wipe that smug look on her mug off too. Really captured the nasty nature and made one feel it all the way throughout.

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  27. Poem line and images reflect each other well - and get that leg down girl!

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  28. Nice one Gay. The connection between strangers and the disconnect between people who don't know each other mix well here.

    That picture though, not sure. It looks like the bird.. ehm... beak... ehm. placement. Maybe I just have the dirtiest mind in the village.

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  29. @forpuck -- haha. I guess she wasn't too faded for that to go without notice. I knew it might look like an arrow to her private bits but then I thought .. oh well..she wasn't the nicest person anyway! Haughty b****

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  30. I read this poem a few times, finding new things in it each time. I love the juxtaposition of bird and dancer, and the free flow of the poem that pulls me to keep reading, to find out what happens next. I enjoy watching herons and they do seem haughty at times, and languid, indifferent.(I've a story on the verge of publication featuring a heron. Tried to capture the feeling, but the result is quite different from your dancer comparison.)
    Good job.

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  31. All I could do was gasp on reading this! Loved the pace of this poem, Gay... it kept me GLUED to it all the time! And there were so many metaphors packed into it, that it took me a while to transform my perplexed gaze into a slow knowing smile... but it was certainly worth it!
    Enjoyed this poem thoroughly, my friend!

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  32. Lifting a leg in a rude gesture? Ha! We have Herons in our pond...in my minds eye I could picture them...Naughty Birds...

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